Pretend It's Ok
by LittleMixand1D
Summary: After disappearing for two years, 19-year old Cat Valentine returns back home with a baby and no memory of who she is.
1. Prologue

_Hello! _

_I been wanting to start a new Victorious fan fiction for the past few weeks, and I decided to merge all the ideas I had into one, kind of weird story. I wrote this all up on my Nook so sorry if there is any errors. _

_Also, I like to mention that there is some reference and a character from iCarly in this story, but she's only in for two chapters so this really isn't a crossover._

_Thanks for reading! Enjoy!_

**Prologue: **

When her eyes flickered open, the first thing she saw-and heard-was the computers.

Hospital, she thought instantly, even though she couldn't even remember the last time she's been in one.

Wasn't I with- Nothing. No name formed after that. It almost felt like part of her brain was trying to receive the memory while the half preferred to stay where it was. It made her head start to pound even more than it already was. She slumped down as much as she could in the uncomfortable hospital bed and tried to close her eyes once again.

She could feel her entire body ache, especially her stomach. There had to be a reason why she was in the hospital. Something serious, she guessed, but she didn't know, just like everything else.

In her head, she tried to list everything she could remember, but there wasn't much. Her name (Caterina Nicole Valentine), the location of her apartment (and the name of her roommate, Sam) and the daycare she works at.

That was it.

"You're awake!" a voice said. She turned her head to see who spoke, watching a nurse dress in purple scrubs walk through the door. It almost felt like Cat knew the nurse...or someone who looked similar to her, even though she had to be in her late thirties. She had long, curly brown hair, high cheekbones, and a smile planted on her face. She tried her hardest to remember who the nurse could be, but Cat couldn't figure it out.

"Do I know you?" It took Cat a second to conquer up the words. It almost hurt to say them, her mouth felt dry and plain as if she hasn't had a drink in months. And I probably haven't she thought, looking down at all the IVs that were connected to her.

"I'm sorry, this is the very first time we've talked. I'm one of the nurses assigned to you. Natalie, the other nurse, has the day off because it's her son's birthday, but I'll call her on my break to tell her you are awake. She'll be way happy to hear that, she grown really attached to you and your daughter."

Cat blinked. The nurse spoke quickly, and adding onto the fact that she had just woken up from a sleep that she could only assume last awhile, it was difficult to understand fully what she was talking about. But she did catch the very last part and that was what confused her the most.

"My daughter?" It hurt to say those two word. Her voice sounded similar to nails on a chalkboard. If she didn't know better, she would guess that she had never even spoken before.

"Oh, I forgot to mention it didn't I?" the nurse started fiddling with some papers on the table next to the hospital bed. "You were semi-awake when we performed the C-section, but fell asleep just seconds after she was born. So it makes sense you wouldn't remember. After you were brought in to the ER, the doctor's decide to deliver the baby right away to prevent further complications. We assumed you were about 37 weeks, so she was born a week or two shy of full term nine days ago, on May 3rd. It's the eleventh today."

Cat couldn't remember being pregnant. Surely, she would have remembered at least that. She searched for anything in her brain that could be linked with it, but there wasn't much places to look.

"Natalie says she is one of the sweetest babies she's ever met, she's always down in the nursery to check on her. We can't bring her to you until you are moved into a different room. But, if everything seems to be okay and the doctor approves of it, we can walk down there to see her."

Cat just nodded, not in the mood to speak anymore. She just wanted to take another nap. Each giant move she made sent a dose of pain through her body. She wanted to ask what happened to her, but decided that could answered later. To be truthful, she didn't even know if she wanted to know what happened exactly. Something inside her made her feel like she shouldn't know the entire thing, but just what she had learned in the past ten or so minutes. She had been pregnant, got hurt, had the baby, went into a coma (controlled probably), and now woke up more than a week later. With no memory.

OoOoOoO

The first time she saw her daughter, she knew instantly that she was hers. She was so small, the nurse in the nursery said she only weighed a little over six and a half pounds. Her head was covered in a mass of brown hair and her eyes, big and brown, were surrounded by long eyelashes.

And she was perfect.

Cat wished she could remember being pregnant, feeling her kick, what she liked and disliked eating. What her emotions were when she discovered she was expecting and whoop the father was, if he was in the picture or not.

It was exactly five days since she woke up. She had been moved from the ICU to another section of the hospital, she had already forgotten what the other nurse, Natalie, had said. All she knew was that she was going home today. Her roommate Sam, who had been the one to bring her to the hospital after finding her on the floor of their apartment when she returned from work, now stood behind her with an empty car seat that Cat had apparently bought months ago. She doesn't remember.

This had to be the fifth or sixth time she had come to visit the little girl. She came every time she had the chance.

She fastened the baby tightly in the car seat, watching the little girl slowly start to wake up from a long nap. Cat turned to Sam, the only person she can actually remember everything about. Born and raised in Seattle, moved to live with Cat after her best friend Carly went to live in Italy. She was moving back to Seattle in a few months after her mom gets out of jail again. Everything was perfectly clear about her, unlike everything else.

"I'm ready to leave."

_**Please Read: **__I couldn't decide on a name for her daughter and that why it wasn't mention. Please visit the poll on my profile to vote on a name._

_The ending seems kind of quick to me, but this is only the prologue. I just wanted to get some vital information for the story out of the way so I don't have to fit it all in in the first chapter._

_I don't know much about amnesia and being in a coma. I tried Googling as much as I could to learn more about and if I got any information wrong about it, I'm sorry. _


	2. Chapter One

_Thanks everyone who voted on a name. There were two names that tied to I randomly picked one of those two names. You'll find out if you read._

_I couldn't figure out how to start and end this chapter. And today is the only day in awhile that I'm going to be able to write for a certain amount of time and I could only so I wanted to get it up today so sorry if it seems hurried. Because it was. _

_Sorry!_

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter One: **

_Three Months Later_

"Tell me everything," Cat often found herself saying those words to Sam throughout the next three months, "Everything you know about me."

Sam gave the same answer each time. "Before becoming roommates, we had only met once. I had gone to a party in Hollywood with my friends Carly and Freddie, who I ran that web show with. We were there to see if Carly's boyfriend was cheating on her with this chick named Tori Vega. A bunch of us sang karaoke together after everything had been settled, including you. I remember you weren't supposed to talk, but you still sang. It was kind of coincidental that we became roommates. That's all I know. You never spoke about your past."

"Who else was singing? Besides your friends?" Cat would then ask, hoping that any name of description would revive a lost memory. It had almost happened when Cat mentioned the name Tori Vega. Just a flash of something, but the harder she tried to think about it, the farther it got away from her grasp.

"Tori Vega was. There was a guy with a puppet also, thought he was a better rapper than I am too. Also there was a black guy, a guy with perfect hair, a gothic chick and an annoying chick. That's all I remember."

Cat waited for a second, hoping that any memory may follow at any moment. But like every time before, she only got the static of her blackened mind. She was interrupted by the vibration of Sam's phone. Sam looked down at the screen, seeing who was calling, and almost instantly says, "I need to take this."

"I'm going to go check on Nevaeh," Cat replied, exiting the front room to give Sam privacy and entering her room through the door just down the hallway. The apartment she shared with Sam only had two rooms, but everything had been set up for her daughter and her when Cat had returned home after her two week stay at the hospital. Her daughter's crib was adjacent to her own bed, taking up most of the space in the room. A dresser was on the opposite wall, and the top of it had been converted into a changing table. It was a tight fit, but she had made it work.

Nevaeh lied awake in her crib, probably just barely awakened from her sleep. "Hey little girl," Cat whispered, picking her up. Nevaeh gave out a cooing sound and rested her head on Cat's shoulder.

"Cat?" she flipped around, looking at where Sam stood in the door frame. Before Cat could answer, Sam resumed speaking. "That was the Seattle Police Department that just called. My mom's release date from jail was moved up to Friday."

"This Friday?"

"Yes. I'm going to have to leave for Seattle tomorrow if I'm going to get everything ready in time."

They had only spoken about Sam leaving to Seattle a few times. She had moved to San Diego two years ago after her mom was placed in jail again, about the same time Cat had moved down here too, at least she assumed. Sam had made a promise that she's only live here temporarily, returning home when she was needed. The set date for that was sometime next month, September 7 she believed.

"That's an entire month early." Cat said, pointing out the obvious. She didn't know if she was ready for that. Sam was the only person she knew in this city, she hadn't had the will power to go out much after being in the hospital and having Nevaeh. She even quit her job after her maternity leave ran out.

"I might even leave tonight, around five, to get to Seattle earlier. It is a twenty hour drive."

Cat just nodded her head. It was about two o'clock now. Leaving at five would get her on Seattle around eight or nine tomorrow morning. She walked over to the corner of the room, where a pink flowery play mat she had bought for Nevaeh just a few weeks ago sat on the floor. She picked it up with the hand that wasn't holding Nevaeh and carried it passed Sam and into her room across the hall. She placed Nevaeh down on it, and said to Sam, "Let's get packing."

OoOoOoO

Sam wasn't the owner of that much stuff, so packing only took about an hour with the two of them. Sam spent more time emptying all of her food out of the cupboards then actually packing, though. Cat was always so in awe about the amount of food Sam could eat in one sitting, apparently that she had declared a rule for making your own meal sometime before the accident.

At around a quarter to five, all of Sam's stuff was piled into her car. She had come to San Diego on a motorcycle, but had sold it a few months ago when she had learned Cat was pregnant. "Not safe for a baby," Sam had said. When Cat woke up she remembered the motorcycle and was almost shocked when it wasn't there anymore, and Sam explained the entire situation over again. It made no sense though, because she wasn't the one that was pregnant. And Cat had her own car, a yellow Volkswagen beetle. But after a while of thinking, Cat had concluded that Sam had just needed an excuse to trade it in.

"Cat," Sam said as she was climbing into her car, just about to leave the city of San Diego for what may be ever. "I just remembered something about your past."

Cat blinked, any little thing would be helpful with her past. "What?"

" . That's how we found out Carly's boyfriend was cheating on her. It was some social media website for the school that Tori Vega attended. I think you might have gone their too. Bye Cat."

And then Sam was gone.

Cat couldn't even remember her backing out of the apartment's parking lot. She was just gone.


	3. Chapter Two: Cannonball

_Hello! I write this entire by hand before typing it up and it was 16 pages long and took me about four days to write and probably about six or seven hours, but I think it's all worth it._

_If you didn't already know this, which I doubt you did, the title of this story is based off the song 'Pretend It's Ok' by the incredibly talented British girl band Little Mix (which, if you have never heard Little Mix before, I suggest you look up their song "Wings" on YouTube) because when I was trying to think of a title, which I had a difficult time doing, Pretend It's OK started playing when I was listening to music and the lyric from it: "I see the light that I'm chasing, your memory but it's fading..." inspired me to name the story after the song because that one lyric captured the theme of the story really well._

_So, to get to my pint, I have decided that I'm going to be starting this this where the title of the chapter is based off a certain song that I love. This chapter is __**Cannonball **__by __**Little Mix**__ which is a really good song._

_Each chapter will have a completely different song. You might have Little Mix or 1D or the Jonas Brothers or some High School Musical song. Whatever song, no matter if it is the entire song or just a small portion of it, if I feel like it applies to the chapter at least somewhat, it's the song of the chapter. _

**_I'll post a link to each song on my profile._**

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter Two: Cannonball**

**_~It's not hard to fall, when you, know that you just don't know~_**

Cat tried her hardest to remember. She imagined attending classes, dances, assemblies, plays and anything else there might have been. The website had led her here, to this performing arts school in Hollywood.

"Hollywood Arts," she read the words off the sign above her head. Just looking at it, hanging high in the air, made her furious at both herself and her blank mind. She had driven to LA today morning, after spending the entire night on the website Sam had told her about, . It was a spare of the moment thing, coming to LA, something she had decided to do just hours before, when after she finally found the page of the Tori Vega girl after a while of looking, only for it to be set on private. After seeing that, after seeing that, she had grabbed her suitcase and started packing her and Nevaeh's things.

She had hoped that just seeing the school would bring her memories flooding back, that she would recall who she was, where she came from, what exactly happened to her that made all her memories go away, and who exactly was Nevaeh's father? Yet, as she stood I'm front of the school, nothing like that entered her mind.

Cat shifted the car seat Nevaeh was in to the opposite arm. She took a deep breath and walked up to the front doors of the school. The Hollywood Arts logo-a giant H and A right next to each other, the a being slightly below the H-was painted on the glass door. Just a few years before, she probably walked through these doors every day. She expected them to be locked, school doesn't start for another week (at least that is what the sign had said) but they swung right open. Cat only hesitated for a few seconds before stepping inside.

And almost instantly something flashed in her mind. Lockers, each one different, one a working keyboard, another one with stars that lit up.

And just as fast as it came, the memory stopped all together, leaving her with everything it had told her, even though it wasn't much.

It made Cat frustrated. She felt like she was so close to something and yet she was so, so far away.

All the lockers she saw, however, were painted the same, shiny gray color. None of them were keyboards or lit up. This made Cat even madder, receiving only a pointless memory.

She walked to a set of stairs and say down, setting the car seat next to her and unbuckled Nevaeh out of it. Nevaeh stared, as much as she could, at her surroundings, and, like her mom, taking in where she was.

Her phone began to buzz in her pocket and Cat wrapped one arm around Nevaeh to make sure she doesn't accidentally go anywhere and used her free hand to grab her cell.

-Just made it to Seattle. It's kinda great to be back

-That's good

Maybe she should have mentioned to Sam that she was in LA, but something told her that it wasn't important, and so she simply didn't.

-Call you when I can, but currently unpacking

-Take your time :)

Cat placed her phone in her pocket, not taking it out even after vibrating once again., She didn't want any distractions. She balanced Nevaeh on her hip and stood up, leaving the car seat on the stairs. She wasn't really worried about losing it, there wasn't really anyone around to take it.,

She started down the hall leading right on the platform the stairs read to. All the walls of the school were decorated with a variety of art, drawn most likely by current and past students. The lockers all around gee seemed out of place, like they too should be decorated as the ones in the flash memory were.

A plaque above the door of a classroom read Mr. Sikowitz. Cat laughed, trying to pronounce the funny name out loud.

"It's Sikowitz, like 'he's psycho' not 'sicko.'" there was a pause, "What are you doing here?"

Cat jumped, the sudden voice coming add a surprise. She turned around, slightly tightening her grip on Nevaeh. "Sorry, the doors were unlocked and I'm just-we're just-looking around."

Nevaeh gave off a loud cooing noise that echoed throughout the hallway. The guy who had spoken eyes, which had widened when Cat turned around, dropped to the infant in her hands. His facial expression changed into a shocked one, like he hadn't noticed the baby earlier. Cat studied the guy in front of her while his eyes were locked on the baby, like he was trying to figure something out too. The guy had current Brown hair and Brien eyes and was kind of skinny. Something about him seemed so familiar, but mostly he was another stranger.

"Cat," he said, after what seemed like an eternity of an awkward silence. Car was surprised he knew her name, he just have known her before she left this town. "What happened to your hair?"

She became instantly confused, releasing one of the hands that was cradling Nevaeh and using it to touch the top of her head, where she had conned her hair into a ponytail that morning. "What do you mean?"

"It's brown, your hate your hair Brown."

"It's always been Brown." Cat glared down at Nevaeh's Tiny head, her hair was identical in color to Cat's. Even though she couldn't remember much, she knew that with her skin tone the shade it was, she wouldn't be able to pull off anything other than her natural color.

The guy stared for another second, and then took a deep breath before replying, "Why did you leave?"

"I don't know."

"Why are you acting, you know, normal?"

"Am I not supposed to?"

He shook his head. Cat wasn't sure what that meant exactly, had she not been Normal in the past?

The guy sighed, "What is my name?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't know."

"No. I'm sorry, but I have-"

He cut her off, "Stop apologizing, it's not your fault. Do you have amnesia?"

Cat nodded her head.

"What happened?" he asked, "Do you know?"

"No. I'm sor-" she stopped herself from saying it once again. "I woke up in the hospital a few months ago from a coma. She was born someone during that. C-Section."

"Can I see her?" He took a step forward, holding put his hands. Cat was hesitant, obviously she knew this boy in the past, but right now she had no clue who he was, but Nevaeh held out her hands and she decided to pass her to the guy.

"What's her name?"

"Nevaeh. Nevaeh Louise Valentine."

"Who's the father?"

"I don't know." Every question the gut asked felt like it had the same three word answer. But even back in San Diego it was the exact same thing. Almost a month before she had gone with Sam to the grocery store and they ran into someone that apparently Cat used to work with. She had asked how Cat was doing, what exactly happened to her, and other similar questions. Cat could only reply I don't know to all of them, because any other answer would have been a lite. She didn't know anything, and the little she did know she often doubted. The grocery store situation had been awkward, but at least Sam had been there to help. Standing in the halls in a school she most likely attended, standing in front of a stranger she might have one known very well or not at all, and being only with a three month old baby may be the most awkward thing that had ever happened to her (but, of course, she couldn't know for sure.)

"Does this school ever think about decorating the lockers?" she asked him, thinking back on the images that had flashed through her mind earlier. "They're just so boring compared to the rest of the school."

"The school does, they just have to un-decorate them for summer vacation and the freshman."

Cat almost yelped in excitement. That's the first thing she's remembered since waking up in the hospital months ago. Nevaeh, who was still being held by the guy, made a sound instead, loud and happy, like she knew something big had just happened.

"Was one a keyboard?" she asked, trying to verify the memory.

"The man nodded, "Yeah, Andre's was."

She tried to picture what Andre could have looked like and if she had known him well. She was thankful for his locker and that she could remember it, but it wasn't important. IT wasn't like remembering a locker that could make music would help her figure out everything she had wondered about. It did kind of tell her she had a past, but Nevaeh was evidence of that.

"Can you tell me about Andre?"

"Do you remember him?"

She shook her head, "No, just his locker. It's actually the first thing I've remembered since the hospital almost four months ago."

"Andre is really cool. He loves the piano and singing, and he's amazing at both of those things, but what he is the best at is songwriting. He's already written some songs for celebs. He tweeted the other day that he was writing for Ed Sheeran, who has always been one of his idols.

"He sounds cool, I wish I knew him."

The guy looked at Cat for a longer than needed time. She tried to ignore his stare by focusing on Nevaeh trying to pull on the curls in his hair. Only recently has Nevaeh started becoming do curious, messing with anything she could get her hands on. Cat held out her hands towards her daughter and she came right back to her.

Finally, the guy spoke, "You really don't remember much, don't you?"

She sighed, "I don't remember anything really."

"How did you know about Hollywood Arts?"

"I didn't. My roommate did. She crashed one of the parties a student threw Anne remembered seeing me there and she also remembered the school website . That led me here."

"So all you remember is a locker?" he asked and cat nodded, "You don't even remember the gang?

Cat gasped, "I was in a gang?"

He laughed, "No, our group of friends. Everyone referred to us as the gang. There were six of us: Andre, Tori, Beck, Jade, you, and me, Robbie."

Robbie. Finally Cat had his name. She was growing impatient waiting for it, ever since he had asked her what his real name was.

"Is your name short for anything?" she asked. Robbie's face lit up, like she had recalled something important, but she actually hadn't, she was just seeing if his name was a nickname, like how Cat was for Caterina.

"Yes, it's short for Robert."

Cat giggled when he said that. Even though that was the name she was expecting, she couldn't help but laugh, "Has anyone ever told you that your name is kinda gross?"

"Yes! You have!" he seemed excited, but Cat knew it was practically nothing. She felt guilty for this, even though it wasn't her fault. "We were filming a bad news song for the Slap and you learned my name was actually Robert and you said it was gross."

She looked down at the floor, "I'm sorry I don't remember that."

He just nodded his head. It was moments like these when Cat really hatred her amnesia. When someone-Robbie, Sam, her doctor, anyone-thought she had part of her life back, but it was just a false alarm. It was the look of disappointment in their faces that killed her. If she could have her mind whole again, she would. They all knew that, but they wanted it sooner than it was coming. At last, that is how it felt to her.

"How did you choose Nevaeh's name?" Cat was glad Robbie spoke. It was a distraction from her thoughts.

"The nurse that was in charge of taking care of her while I was in a coma told me she was like an angel in heaven after I woke up. I couldn't really decide on a name for her and that nurse suggested Nevaeh, which is Heaven spelled backwards, and that just kinda stuck."

"It's a cute name. I think it fits her well."

Nevaeh shifted in Cat's arms and Feat changed the way she held the infant to more like the way you hood a newborn. Almost instantly, Nevaeh's eyes were closed and she was asleep.

"I need to go put her back in her car seat. I left it on the stairs."

Robbie followed her ad she navigated her way through the hallways, giving her directions on if it was left or right more than a few times. Robbie was on his phone as he tailed her, typing rapidly on the screen. Cat assumed he was telling sometime about the return of Caterina Valentine. She didn't know what else he could be talking about.

The car seat was right where she left it, on the stairs she had sat down on after age barely entered the school. She buckled her sleeping daughter into the car seat and slid it over her arm. She was surprised Nevaeh hadn't begun to smell. She hadn't needed a diaper change since a rest stop they had stopped at when they drive to LA earlier that afternoon. That was a good thing, though, because she had left the diaper bag locked away in the car.

Cat took a seat on the stairs once again, inviting Robbie to sit down next to her, which he did.

"What was I like?" cat asked. There had been a million questions forming in her mind for a while and she needed to ask one or two of than before she left. "What happened to me?"

Robbie waited a second before answering; thinking carefully about what he was going to Say. "You were innocent and cute and didn't really have a clue about anything. You err always laughing and singing. You were different, in a good way, like no one I ever met. You were living with your grandmother in Venice-"

"In Italy?"

"No, Venice, California. Anyway, you were living with your grandmother in Venice, California when you disappeared. Since clothes were missing from your closet and you withdrew almost all your money from your bank account and the fact that you randomly decided to graduate high school early, the police had concluded that you had just ran away. They looked for you for a while, after your eighteenth birthday pasted, they slowly stopped. The gang split up shortly after that and I haven't talked to any of them since graduation. They're all still in LA, I know that for sure. Tori's singing career is beginning to take off, Andrew is writing sings with and for the famous, Beck has already gotten a job acting on a Michael Bay movie, and Jade's writing all the scripts. And I'm just here, volunteering at my old high school because I have nothing better to do. Even you have DONE SOMETHING, cat. You had a baby. You've accomplished more than I have."

"I'm a 19-year old single mother with no clue about who the behind father even is. I wouldn't call that an accomplishment."

"Still, it's more than I have done. Imagine all the other things you did before you had Nevaeh, when you were free."

Cat wished she could.

She grabbed her phone from her pocket to look at the time. She saw she had more than one unread text message and a few missed calls from Sam. She would call her back when she's driving home to San Diego.

"I better her going," Cat grabbed Nevaeh's car sear and stood up.

"Where are you going? Are you staying in is Angeles for a while?"

"No, I'm going home."

"And when's home?"

"Anywhere," Cat felt the need to keep the town she lived in secret. She didn't know exactly why, but her past self stopped talking to everyone in this other life for a reason and until the day she knows what that reason is, she was going to follow the other her's wishes.

"Do you mind staying for a little while longer?" Robbie held out his Pear phone, which he had been on nonstop for the post while, "I think a reunion might just be about to take place."

_That was way longer than I was thinking it was going to be. _

_I dropped small hints of Cat's old personality all throughout the chapter, because the old goofy may be gone with her memories, but I still want to make sure there's a touch of her still there. I hope you can recognize them. _

_Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter Three: Carry You

_So it's been a month. I know. There really shouldn't be any excuses expect that last days of school were busy and that I got addicted to the show Kyle XY. Anyone seen it? It's soooo good._

_Anyways, here is chapter three! Sorry, it's kind of long. Song of the chapter is Union J's Carry You_

**Chapter Three: Carry You**

**_-We'll take each step together, 'til you come back to center,  
you know that I know the real you-_**

"Where are we going?" Cat asked as she followed Robbie out of Hollywood Arts. Outside, the sky was gray and the sun hid behind the clouds. Cat had only been inside the school for only a half hour, but according to the world around her, since it had been sunny when she had entered the high school, she had been in there for much longer.

"Tori's house. It's only about ten minutes from here," Robbie replied. He walked to his own car, a red truck that must have been around about ten years old. It was parked right next to Cat's car. As Robbie continued speaking, she leaned over and bucked Nevaeh into the backseat. "We used to hang out at Tori's house all the time, she lived in the nicest house out of all of us and we could all fit on the couch."

Cat never asked, but she assumed Tori was Tori Vega, the girl Sam told her about and whose Slap page had been the one Cat spent all night looking for. Once upon a time Cat really did know her, she was more than just a tiny icon on a social media website. She wished that one day she could remember all the memories she once had of Tori Vega, both the good and the bad.

"I'll just follow you down there, okay?" Cat said after she finished securing Nevaeh's car seat. Robbie nodded and got into his truck. Cat climbed into her own car and started it up. Robbie took a second to pull out of the parking lot, but when he did he started driving north and Cat followed. She grabbed her phone from her pocket as she drove and dialed Sam's number. It might be the only opportunity she has to check up on her friend the entire night.

"Hey Cat," Sam answered on the third ring. Cat could hear the sound of a boy's voice in the background, asking who it was and Sam's voice replying with, "My old roommate Cat."

"Who are you with?" Cat asked, hearing the boy speak again in the background but unable to make out what he said.

"One of my old friends, Freddie. He's helping me unpack. So what's up with you?"

Sam had mentioned Freddie millions of time in the past few months, so she knew who he was. Freddie had been on iCarly with her and both had been in a short-lived relationship.

"I am just trying to remember," she replied, which was the truth. She didn't want to get to into detail about where she was and what she was doing, because something inside her told her it wasn't a good idea. "I can't talk for long, but how's Seattle?"

"It's home." Sam said. Cat pictured her at her old house, watching television, eating of course, because that was the only home she could imagine Sam having. "It's great to be home."

Cat wondered what that felt like, being home. Was it a constant feeling of did it bounce all around depending on the moon of the household. She wondered what her was like as if it was in a small apartment in San Diego or some house somewhere in a suburb of Los Angeles. How close to her home was she?

"I'm picking up my mom from jail on the 26th or 27th," Sam continued speaking, breaking Cat from her thoughts. Still, she only listened somewhat, enough to know what Sam was talking about, but not enough to know every detail she mentioned. "I'm going to do everything I can to keep her from being put in their once again. Trying to get her into some group counseling and obeying her patrol, you know that kind of stuff."

"That's great," Cat said, "Think she can do it?"

"I hope so. My twin sister, Melanie-I don't think I've ever mentioned her to you-well, she's flying out from wherever she goes to school to help me for the semester. And even though she's a little crazy, I'm going to need her help."

"She can't be that crazy" Cat said, "I bet people have crazier siblings."

"Like who? You?"

"Who knows?" Cat shrugged, even though she knew Sam couldn't see it, "Maybe I have a crazy brother."

Sam laughed on the other end, and Cat laughed too. She never really thought about having siblings, but chances are she has brothers or sisters, living life without knowing what happened to their sister.

In front of her, Robbie's truck pulled into a house's driveway and Cat pulled in behind him. This is Tori's house, she thought, I have been here before.

"I have to go," she said into the phone and ended the call before any goodbyes were given. She stared at the house for as long as she could before Robbie tapped on her window and motioned for her to exit her car. And just like that, she didn't want to get out, but instead drive back to that little apartment in San Diego that wasn't quite home and never look back on her short trip to Los Angeles, but it was too late now. She stepped out of the car and opened the back door to grab Nevaeh and the diaper bag. The baby was still sound asleep, looking like a tiny angel.

Robbie started walking up the driveway to the front door. Cat trailed him, joining up with him at the door.

"She doesn't know you're coming," Robbie said when she met up with him, "I just asked her if she could help me get the gang back together tonight and she said she would."

Cat nodded and shifted Nevaeh's car seat to the other arm. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she would do anything just to turn back and never return. She felt like that way in the car, but here it was much stronger. Her stomach felt like it was about to eat itself and her head was beginning to pound. She knew she was just nervous, but being nervous wasn't something she could remember ever being before. In the past three months, Cat never really had the reason to be nervous, up until now. When Robbie rang the doorbell, she focused on Nevaeh to distract her. She watched her little hands opening and closing and her little eyelids trying to stay shut, both signs that she was slowly waking up. Cat almost didn't notice the front door swing open, so focusing on Nevaeh almost worked at a distraction, but not quite.

"Robbie," a voice said. Cat couldn't see the person who spoke, but she knew it had to be Tori. "It's so great to see you."

She didn't say anything to Cat, but since Cat stood to the side of the door and not in front of it, she wasn't surprised. Tori just didn't see her. Robbie realized this too and he looked at Cat, his eyes saying 'Stay quiet. Let's surprise her' Cat nodded and he smiled.

"It's great to see you too." Robbie replied. Cat wondered when the last time they had actually talked to each other was. Robbie had said graduation back when she was talking to him at the school, but there might have been a time after that they had muttered a quick hello to each other. Or maybe it had been before they graduated from Hollywood Arts, where they had exchanged only a few words in the hallway. And what about the last time they saw Cat? What had they said to her? And what did they say to them? Was it goodbye?

"I called Jade, Beck, and Andre; and even though it took Jade a lot of convincing, all of the agreed to come," Tori said. Cat recalled all those names from earlier, especially Andre, who was connected to the only thing she could remember. "They'll be here as soon as they can. I think this is great, you know we haven't hung out since the day before Cat disappeared. Remember that day? It was so much fun."

Robbie nodded his head; he did remember.

"I wished I knew that I wouldn't see her again after that, just so I could tell her goodbye and that she was a great friend."

After Tori spoke, Robbie stayed silent. Cat wasn't sure if this was her cue or not and she looked to Robbie for the answer, but he didn't even glance in her direction. She looked down at Nevaeh to see if her baby would be any help, but she still lay semi-awake and silent.

Finally, Cat stepped forward in front of the door, revealing herself to Tori. She watched Tori's expression change from one with a hint of sadness into shock. Her eyes began to form tears. If Cat had her memory, perhaps she would be acting the same after seeing her for the first time in two years. Perhaps she would be throwing her arms around Tori's neck and be apologizing over and over again for leaving. But instead, she stood still in front of the doorway and waved to Tori in a very awkward way.

"I found Cat," Robbie finally said and Cat felt like slapping him. He knew he could have made the entire thing less weird to Cat.

Tori took a step forward, stepping fully out of her house. Cat closed her eyes and prayed that Tori wouldn't try to hug her. It wasn't because Cat didn't want to be hugged but because she didn't actually know Tori anymore. A few years ago, she may have been best friends with her, but right now Tori was like everyone else in the world. A stranger. However, Tori must have sensed this and didn't move anymore that the step she had already made. Instead, she took a deep breath and said, "Something isn't right."

Cat glanced at the ground then back to the thing she had been trying to distract herself with all day, Nevaeh. She heard Tori gasp as she followed Cat's gaze, noticing the baby for the first time. It was difficult to figure out what to say next and Cat looked to Robbie for help. He got what Cat was trying to ask him, saying out loud, "There's more than just the baby, but let's wait for Cat to explain after everyone gets here."

Tori just stayed silent and invited them in.

OoOoOoO

For ten minutes, they sat on the couch in Tori's house in silence. Cat pretended to be texting someone, but she was really playing games on her phone. Robbie and Tori whispered to one another, to quiet for Cat to hear the full conversation, but she did catch words like Rex and puppet and gone, but they all just made no sense to her, so she let the silence drag on even longer instead of making small talk.

It was Neveah's sudden whimper that broke the silence. In her car seat, her eyes were wide open and staring at the ceiling of the unfamiliar place. Cat leaned over and unbuckled her from the seat. As she lifted her daughter up, a stench immediately came from her. Cat grabbed the diaper bag from off the floor and slipped it over her shoulders.

"Is there any place I can change her?" she asked.

Tori, who was watching Cat's every move now instead of quietly talking to Robbie, said, "You can use the bathroom,"

"Where is it?" Cat looked around the room, as if the toilet was right in the middle of the living room.

"Don't you remember?" Tori gave her a strange glance, like she was trying to say 'You haven't been gone that long.' Cat stared at the ground and slightly shook her head.

Robbie pointed at a door, answering Cat's question for Tori, "It's right there."

She muttered a quick thank you and walked in the direction of the bathroom, Nevaeh grasping onto the top of her arm. "You stink, 'Vaeh," Cat said to her and she smiles, as if she understood what Cat had said.

In the bathroom, she closed the door and laid Nevaeh down on the long counter, changing the infant out of her stinky diaper in what could be record breaking time. She did have to change her outfit from the yellow polka dotted bodysuit she had on into a blue and yellow one-piece decorated with cartoon daisies that Cat kept in the diaper bag as a backup in case of this situation, where the smell still lingered on Nevaeh's original outfit. After Nevaeh was clean once again, she didn't leave the bathroom. She wasn't really in the mood of going back out there into the living room and facing Tori and Robbie and the awkward silence. Instead, she took a seat on the tiled floor and sat Nevaeh down on her lap.

And she stayed there for almost ten minutes, using the toys she kept in the diaper bag to play with Nevaeh. Every time Cat held a toy out of her reach, the baby would squeal in anger, which made Cat giggle. And every time she managed to get a toy out of Cat's hands, she made a similar sound, only this time in happiness. However, she never knew what to do with it next and the toy would end up slipping away from her grasp and falling to the ground, making Nevaeh even angrier and Cat giggle even more.

Nevaeh was her own tiny person, reaching different milestones each day, constantly surprising Cat at what she could do at only fifteen weeks old. It was the moments like these, where Cat took a few minutes out of what was happening in her life, even when she was trying to hide from what was happening, and focused on Nevaeh that she realized how perfect she was. A perfect, little human being that had an entire future in front of her. For Cat, Nevaeh was the only thing keeping her going, the only thing she truly knew.

When she finally stood from off the floor and exited the bathroom, it wasn't really by choice, but because she could hear more voices coming from the living room. She made sure everything she had taken out of the bag was once again placed back into it. She threw the bag over her shoulder and centered Nevaeh on her hip and walked out of the bathroom like she was only in there for a few minutes.

Three were two more people on the couch next to Tori and Robbie, a girl with long black hair and a scowl on her face, like she didn't really want to be here and a boy with brown-black hair and a lot of it.

"Hi," said aloud, almost muttering, but loud enough for everyone's head to turn towards her. She took a seat next to Robbie, fortunate enough to have no one to the right of her. She leaned over and whispered to Robbie, "Is everyone here?"

He shook his head and whispered back, "No. Andre just needs to show up."

"Andre?"

"Locker dude."

"I knew that." Cat wasn't sure how she was going to remember these names and faces. She'd forgotten Andre's name after hearing it a dozen times.

Cat slumped in her chair to try to blend in with all the surroundings, but it was hard when the only pair of eyes not staring at her were her own. It was the black haired girl that made her uncomfortable, though. She sat on the other end of the couch, leaning forward, her hand-which rested on one of her knees-held her head. And her eyes were wide and almost scary, looking straight at Cat.

"Where have you been?" the girl asked.

Cat sunk down even more, but didn't answer.

"Why didn't you call us? Or text us? Or freaking tweet us for God's sake."

She stayed silent.

"Jade," the guy with a lot of hair said to her, "Relax. I'm sure Cat has a reason why."

Cat liked the guy almost instantly. He was calm and cool and Cat felt like he wouldn't press her for answers she couldn't deliver. He seemed like the opposite of the girl-Jade, that was what her name was-who spoke like she didn't care but forceful at the same time. Cat wasn't sure how that was possible, but Jade managed to do it.

Jade looked towards the guy and then back at Cat. Cat looked away, but she could still hear Jade's words, "So Cat, what's the reason? What was so damn important that you packed your bags and left without even a goodbye?"

"I don't know," she answered quietly. There was no reply, so Cat didn't know if Jade didn't hear here and was still waiting for an answere or if she didn't did hear her and just didn't want to continue the conversation. Whatever it was, Cat wouldn't know because she didn't look at Jade to see.

"Is she your daughter?" Cat heard the other guy say, referring to Nevaeh who was sitting on her lap. Changing the subject was what Cat needed, and she turned her head to look at the guy, blocking out Jade sitting next to him. He took this as a yes and continued speaking, "What is her name? How old is she?"

"Nevaeh. Her name is Nevaeh. And she's three months old; fifteen weeks. So almost four months, actually."

Nevaeh cooed loudly, like she knew they were talking about her.

"You like talking about her, don't you?" the guy asked.

Cat was confused about what he said at first, but then she realized that talking about Nevaeh, she spoke in a tone other than a mutter. She wrapped her arms around the infant's tiny body and nodded, "Yeah. I do. She's the only thing I really know."

"But you don't know what freaking happened to you?" Jade asked. Cat glanced at her for only a second, giving her the meanest glimpse that she could. Jade just laughed and Cat just looked away. She heard Jade speak once again, in a confused tone this time, as if she was trying to piece everything together, "Do you know anything?"

"No," Cat said.

"What's my name? My full name?"

"I don't know."

"Jadelyn Marie West."

"You don't look like a Jadelyn."

The other guy, Cat searched her mind for the names Robbie had mentioned earlier for his name and decided that he must be Beck, spoke up, asking, "Do you have amnesia?" and Cat just nodded her head to answer, "What all can you remember?"

"When I woke up in the hospital, all I could remember was my name and my roommate."

"And not us?" Jade's voice grew louder after every syllable. "We're your best friends and you don't remember us?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't."

"This is what wasn't right," Tori's entered the conversation. Cat almost forgotten that she and Robbie were even here. "I'm just another stranger to you. The years of sleepover and pranks and you being your ditzy self are just gone. Wasted. How can you not remember?"

"How could she leave?" Jade said, and the room was silent.

Tori busted into tears, and Jade looked like she was about to do the same. Cat looked around the house, blocking out all the other words that were being thrown around. She spotted a door at the back of the open kitchen, and she held Nevaeh tightly, standing up and walking towards the door, saying aloud. "I need some air."

Once outside, almost instantly she felt much better. Inside, it was almost like all those people were cramming her with questions and stares and wonders. She looked through the glass door to see if anyone followed her, but they were all still on the couch. Cat took a seat on one of the chairs on the small patio. Up above her, the sky was still gray and gloomy. _Just like me,_ she thought.

Nevaeh, who leaned on Cat's chest and looked over her shoulder, started making some unrecognizable sound. Soon, the sound of the door opening and then slamming shut followed. She thought no one had followed her, but she turned her head and saw Robbie standing there. "Are you okay Cat?"

"No," she told him the truth, because even if she lied and told him that she was fine, he would know she was lying. "How can I be? People are upset about something that isn't my fault. I came to L.A. hoping to regain m memory and all I can remember is some stupid locker. And I-"

"Stop. Don't look at all those things and get depressed. Just have patience, your mind will heal itself over time." He sounded like he has watched too much Dr. Phil.

"How? They are already gone, I don't think they are going to come back."

He walked over and sat on a chair adjacent to hers, "We are here to help, Cat. I'm here to help. I can help you get everything back."

"There's a reason why they are gone, though. Something happened, something dramatic, that made them go away. Maybe they should just stay hidden. Besides, you can't be any help because I'm going home."

She was talking about the San Diego apartment. They one where she started forming new memories with Nevaeh and Sam, the one where all her little belongings were, the one that was hers.

"Cat," Robbie looked her straight in the eyes, "You are already there."


	5. Chapter Four: Written in the Stars

_So if I didn't write the fourth chapter at the time that I did, it would never be written until next week and I really wanted to get it up for you all. So it's not the best, and you can obviously tell it was written quicker than the previous chapters, but I still think it's good. The song of the chapter is the first thing I could think of Written in the Stars by Tinie Tempah, and it kind of actually has something to do with the chapter. Thanks for reading! XXX_

**_Chapter Four: Written in the Stars_**

**~Written in the stars a million miles away, a message to the main~**

Cat stared through the glass door at the people she once knew. Andre was now there, at least who she assumed to be Andre, who sat on the couch and listened as Robbie probably explained everything. Beck was whispering to Jade, his facial expression showing that he was angry. Tori had Nevaeh in her lap, making faces at the infant. She still sat outside, not ready to venture back in the house even after Robbie's many tries. Finally, she handed him Nevaeh as a promise that she'll come back inside soon. Sometime after Andre arrived, Tori had taken her daughter from Robbie to play with.

She'd been outside for almost a half hour, trying to figure out exactly what she was going to do. Already, she knew she was going to stay here in Los Angeles for a while longer, trying to see if she could put together all the pieces of the puzzle, but she wasn't sure how she was going to do it. The first, and most important thing, was Nevaeh. Cat did pack a suitcase in case something like this did happen and she ended up staying in LA, which was packed away in the trunk of her car, but there was only enough clothes for two or three days. And the formula and diapers stuffed inside the diaper bag would last only about that long too, which wouldn't be a problem if she could get to the store. Then there was the matter of where they would sleep. Maybe they could stay at a hotel that would supply a crib for the baby, but Cat didn't really know how she could afford that if she stays more than a week. Maybe one of her old friends would let her stay at their place, but she doubted they had a place for Nevaeh.

The next problem was the fact that she had no idea where to start. She knew she needed to figure out why she left and what caused her to forget everything, but how could she know? Her entire mind was blank.

She took one more look at the people on the other side of the glass door, at the TV with a man's mugshot enlarged on the screen, and then she leaned her head back and stared at the gray sky, searching for answers in the clouds. In the distance, she could see part of Los Angeles. It looked like so alive, even from staring at it from so far away. There were people there, living, breathing, doing their normal routine. Perhaps she knew some of them. Perhaps they knew her.

_"I love getting away. Looking at the stars."_

She blinked, looking around to see who could have said it. Again, the saying floated in her mind. _I love getting away. Looking at the stars. _And again, and again. Like a record stuck on repeat.

_I love getting away. Looking at the stars._

_I love getting away. Looking at the stars._

And then, like a scene playing out in front of her, she was teleported to a place she'd never been before. The sky dark and the stars twinkling, the night air chilly. She could see herself in the distance, wearing a fluffy pink skirt and blanket wrapped around the top half of her body, her hair giving off a reddish tint. She was talking to a boy walking up behind her, stopping when he was right next to her. Cat couldn't see his face, but even in the dark she could tell his hair was blonde.

_"I love getting away. Looking at the stars. You can't see them in Hollywood."_

_ "Sometimes, I forget there even up there." The boy said, motioning to the sky._

_ "Me too. My brother used to bring me here when I was little. Before he was crazy. Before the OCD and anxiety and panic attacks. He would show me all the constellations and told me what they meant. I always loved doing it."_

_ "It must be hard, living with a brother like that."_

_ "It is. It's hard to get attention. Everyone like 'Frankie managed to stop counting at an odd number' or 'Frankie is improving so much.' No one every focuses on Cat, unless I act utterly clueless. Still, I barely get acknowledged."_

Cat could feel how angry she was just talking about it. It was like she wanted to get rid of him, her brother, and now she couldn't believe she even had one. Now that that actually happened, she would do anything just to get to know him. She could also feel how easy it was talking to this guy, whoever

_"Sometimes," she heard herself continue talking, "I just wish I could forget him. Forget everything. My family. This town. Myself."_

_ The guy turned around, revealing his face to present-day Cat. He was blonde and blue-eyed, with thick eyebrows and straight teeth. He spoke directly to present-day Cat, "Maybe that would be for the best."_

And then the memory was gone. Cat tried to get it back, let it continue playing out, but it was already miles away. The boy in the memory, though, seemed so familiar, but not because she knew him once upon a time, but like she'd just recently seen him. She picked through everything that had happened lately, and then it hit her. She rushed inside the house and grabbed the remote from off the coffee table and rewinded the television, back to the picture she has seen earlier when looking through the glass door.

There he was. The same guy in the vision on the screen of the TV. The entire memory had came after seeing the picture, so it must have triggered it somehow.

"Hey, 'Lil Red, it I can call you that anymore," Andre, a guy with cocoa skin and matching eyes, said, Cat almost asked what he meant by that nickname, but this was way more important. She motioned for everyone to hush and listened to the new report on the television.

"It's been three months since the disappearance of twenty-two year old Marcus Doubront, who grew up in a suburb of Los Angeles, but was a student at San Diego State University at the time of his disappearance. After an anonymous tip last night, police have been searching areas in Cleveland National Forests for what could possibly be his remains, but have had no luck in discovering them. Doubront was last seen on May 2nd at a friend house around 7:30 pm which he left early from after receiving a phone call from an unknown caller. If you have any information about Marcus Doubront please contact police immediately."

So many coincidences were wrapped up in the report, so many that it wasn't even able to be called a coincidence. He grew up in Los Angeles, where Cat's unknown life had taken place, where she was now. And he went to some college in San Diego, where Cat was currently living. And he disappeared on May 2nd, that was the day before Nevaeh was born, the day that whatever had happened to her happened.

He was somehow tied into everything. Cat was convinced of that.

"Cat?" Robbie asked, "What's a matter?"

She pointed to the TV screen, which was now paused on the picture of the boy. "I know him."

_So this is much shorter than the last few chapters and that's because I quickly wrote it today. What did you think? Was it good? Did it need more detail? What do you think is going to happen next?_


End file.
